You-Know-Who
by Emerald Ashes
Summary: All names come from somewhere.


All names come from somewhere.

* * *

_The Daily Prophet: July 24, 1974_

_**Terroristic Title Troubles**_

_**By Robert Mazanek**_

_ The murderer and terrorist Voldemort held an informal press conference last Tuesday in front of the recently destroyed _Polly's Peculiar Pieces. _Holding several civilians hostage, this reporter among them, he declared that he shall henceforth be referred to as "_The Dark Lord"_ (for a list of Voldemort's misdeeds, see page four; for details of the terrorist's public declaration, see page two). He has gone so far as to curse his name with the Taboo Curse, so that all those who speak the word _"Voldemort"_ aloud can be found and punished. Thankfully, writing the word has no such repercussions._

_ It would seem that Voldemort's suspiciously French surname no longer suits his fancy (Are all dark lords secretly frogs? Find out on page three)._

_ This certainly isn't the first time a public figure has changed his or her name. Such was the case with Minister Jonathon "My Name Is Not Ermal" Breckenridge and Undersecretary Mary "My Name Isn't Ermal, Either" Stone. _

_ Still, as a fervent patriot, this reporter finds himself disturbed by this terrorist's acquisition of the title "lord." Since he has spurned his assumed identity, refuses to reveal his true name, and is unavailable for comment, the public has no choice but to give him a new name._

_ Upon speaking with ordinary British citizens, several ideas have been raised. Unfortunately, Murderer, Terrorist, and other perfectly true epithets could lead to confusion in the press. In troubled times such as these, such names could describe dozens of wizards and witches. Additionally, the use of a human name would be deeply insulting to the men who share it (I certainly wouldn't want a terrorist named "Robert") and may accidentally insinuate that he is, indeed, human (for more on Voldemort's possible creature heritage, see page two). In light of these objections, this humble reporter has a few suggestions, at least until Voldemort answers this pressing question._

_ Henceforth, Voldemort shall be referred to as What's-His-Face, That Guy, He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named, and You-Know-Who. I trust that these will more than suffice._

_ If You-Know-Who wishes to be called by another name, one that does not insult our nation's nobility, he may write a letter to our editor, just like any other reader._

* * *

_The Daily Prophet: August 5, 1974_

_**Mazanek Murdered: Prophet in Mourning**_

_**By Elton Strickland**_

_ Yesterday, Death Eaters murdered cherished reporter Robert Mazanek, along with his wife and sister-in-law. Mazanek's brother, who was reportedly dining with the deceased at the time of the attack, remains missing. Anyone with information as to his whereabouts is urged to floo the Auror Department. _

_A source in the Ministry reports that several body parts were removed from Mazanek's remains, including his hands and tongue. A note left at the scene allegedly reads "This is my response."_

_ This tragedy has deeply affected all of us at the Daily Prophet. The knowledge that our friend and coworker's life has been so brutally cut short pulls at our heartstrings. Though this was clearly retaliation against the reporter's recent article (reprinted on page two), the Daily Prophet will not renounce Mazanek's words. _

_ His murderer does not deserve the title "Lord," or the respect that title carries. To let fear still our pens goes against everything this paper stands for and spits upon the memory of all we have lost. _

_ You-Know-Who will not silence us._

* * *

Refusing to call the Dark Lord by his chosen name became a small act of defiance, rarely spoken in more than a whisper. But years passed and deaths mounted. The insults spread, changed, and lost their mocking edge.

Soon, they weren't insults, at all.

* * *

**A/N: Here's my take on the origins of Voldemort's nicknames. They're odd, almost childish. It's possible that they slowly emerged due to the Taboo Curse because, quite frankly, if you were talking about someone destroying a village, it wouldn't be hard to guess. In contrast, for them to spring from a mocking or even defiant beginning seems possible, and I like to think the Prophet once had some spunk.  
**

**On an unrelated note, am I the only one who suspects Voldemort didn't like his name that much? I understand that fear of the name = fear of the man, but he came up with it at sixteen. Maybe he got so sick of it that he ensured no one could say it without being murdered.**


End file.
